August 15, 2015

Althouse at the airport — a 10-point list.

1. A slow internet connection is like being stupid, but only if you are stupid enough to keep trying to use the internet when it’s going slow.

2. The internet connection here at McCarran Airport is slow, but I had the wit to open a document in Word and start typing this list, so I am at least that unstupid.

3. I got flagged for a pat-down search and had to wait to enter the air-poof booth until a female patter-downer arrived. I was most concerned about my bag, from which I was separated. My money, my cards, my laptop, my iPhone, my iPad, my keys, my glasses, my boarding passes.

4. I expressed concern and was told “There are more security cameras here than at the White House,” but all that meant to me was that they’d have pictures of the person who swiped my bag.

5. But I had to wait and wait for the female patter. A bulky, slow-moving couple blocked my sightline to my bag, and I considered telling the immense bald-headed TSA agent who’d called for the female that he should just go ahead and pat me down himself, because I’d rather have some strange man feel me up than lose eye contact with my bag of money, devices, and papers.

6. The female whom I’m presumed to prefer arrives and asks me if I have any special sensitivities and what’s the use of saying you’re damned right I do?

7. She says she’ll have to touch my “fancy skirt,” which — what? — is that supposed to relax me or compliment me or amuse me? It sounds like something a criminal would say before roughing you up. She grimly and lightly performed the task.

8. The thought I am never flying again formed at #3, but I resist saying it out loud. How boring and useless the information/threat would be to the security lady.

9. I mellow a bit after it’s over, then get annoyed again as I realize I don’t know what chemicals and radiation and seeing-you-naked technology was inflicted upon me in that booth.

10. Now, I’m at the gate, very early, drinking black coffee and typing a list.

98 comments:

Quaestor said...

How about a special sensitivity to the Constitution? Think that would have evoked from them a moment's reflection?

Titus said...

You sound a little paranoid.

tim maguire said...

#7, Ironically (?) it was something a criminal did say before she roughed you up.

MikeD said...

Even tho' I can fly virtually free of charge anywhere I want, I haven't been on a plane since late '97.

Carter Wood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carter Wood said...

Were you perhaps wearing a fancy dancer skirt, the kind worn at pow wows across the West?

The Bergall said...

But alas, Obama is enjoying his tax payer vacation on Martha's Vineyard so that should make you feel better. And even better yet he's golfing with Bill Clintstone.....

Quaestor said...

The 9th Circuit ruled in 2007, that "a particular airport security screening search is constitutionally reasonable provided that it 'is no more extensive nor intensive than necessary, in the light of current technology, to detect the presence of weapons or explosives."

Now I ask you, what tin-pot dictator does more than is necessary? All tyrannies groove on efficiency, it's one of their talking points - Ban the waste of industrial competition! Make the trains run on time! Peasants and soldiers must cut sugar cane together! That's what efficiency means - do just what is necessary, no more, no less. Is that what passes for being secure in one's person, property, and papers, that the search is efficient? What about reasonable? The framers never mentioned efficient search and seizure, they'd had enough of that at the hands of the Redcoats. They assumed efficient searches were bad, so they made the processes involved and tedious, full of legal niceties designed to frustrate the State if it fucks up in any small detail. Efficiency can be just as bing an enemy as Al Qaeda and ISIS.

Gahrie said...

...and yet they probably let all the twenty something Arab men through with a cursory check.

Quaestor said...

Titus wrote: You sound a little paranoid.

You sound a little little.

Paranoia is a perfectly reasonable response to an unreasonably touchy-feely TSA with the power to arrest.

Coconuss Network said...

Thank God you are wearing skirts and not trousers with belts. The belt movie is so embarrassing, I think worse than them searching your bag.

Titus said...

OK, I just checked our local news-NESN and saw that Hilary was wearing another dress with a horrible neckline.

Who is the fag dressing her?

F said...

Rest easy knowing TSA has caught 0 (as in ZERO) terrorists at airports this year. This is truly a bureaucracy that needs to disappear.

MisterBuddwing said...

...and yet they probably let all the twenty something Arab men through with a cursory check.

Gee, and I thought the whiter-than-snow Tsarnaev brothers pretty much blew racial/ethnic profiling out of the water.

peacelovewoodstock said...

Well it couldn't have been all that bad if you are drinking a black coffee and not, say, a double scotch rocks.

David Begley said...

How much has bin Laden cost us at airports in time and money?

Michael K said...

Welcome to Obamamerica. I will fly to London in three weeks and it will be twice this year I have ventured near an airpot. The earlier trip was not bad.

The TSA is security theater as they are extremely unlikely to accomplish anything worthwhile except collect their pay checks.

There will never be another airplane hijacking in this country as passengers after Flight 93 will never allow it.

Bombs are probably immune to the incompetent actions of the TSA. Let's just hope for luck. I flew on Pan Am 103 a week after the bomb blew the flight up over Lockerbie. They had not yet changed the flight number.

Cheryl said...

If I didn't want to go to certain places so much I would quit flying. But it's hard to go to Italy any other way in a reasonable amount of time. I got flagged on that trip last month leaving the U.S. for the special pat-down, and flagged by the airline for the most personal pat-down ever coming home from Rome. I was traveling with my husband and four kids on a nonstop, round trip ticket. I'm a middle aged white lady. About as much of a terrorist as you. Like you, I was separated from my bags by the TSA, but I had my family to get them for me. In Rome I was pulled aside and completely separated from my family for the grope-down. The only good part is that one of my children was not groped. This whole thing is an utter farce and waste of money.

I'm sorry they got you. I wonder how much longer this will go on.

chuck said...

We need more profiling to avoid those hassles.

Bush should have proposed that all passengers to be armed rather than the TSA. Anne could get a cute little .38 to carry with her Apple accoutrements.

rhhardin said...

Working from home since 1987, I still use /bin/ed because it works as an editor on a slow internet connection.

Fritz said...

We had TSA pre-check on our last trip west to San Louis Obispo. It saved a lot of getting half undressed and standing in line at BWI. On the way back, at the one horse San Louis Obispo airport, I still got "randomly" flagged for TSA screening by the explosive sniffer, but even that only took a minute.

Which still doesn't offset the fact that the TSA screening is largely security theater which would be easily defeated by terrorists with half a brain. TSA delenda est.

Chris N said...

Sorry to hear it, but as a final kiss-off, you can pull the one-armed bandit one last time for luck.

Michael said...

I have flow about 90,000 miles this year, just returned from London, and have never had a problem. I get the pat downs occasionally but I don't find them either intrusive or time consuming or any big deal at all.

I also don't talk to the TSA people. I don't tell them I am "concerned" or otherwise suggest they speed it up. That is asking for it

Of course, I know what I am doing and make sure I don't have anything to set off their alarms. Also I have Pre-Check and Global Entry so that helps as well.

But it follows that the people who fly only once or twice every few years are singled out.

BTW I don't think they arbitrarily or randomly flag people any more. They see something they don't like on your person or a bell goes off because you have left something in your pockets.

Earnest Prole said...

security theater

Ambrose said...

Try the Carl's JR. Excellent at McCarran

Sprezzatura said...

an 11-point list:

1) Does Althouse question her psychology after reading her list?

2) Does Althouse realize that plenty of people have bags that cost ten grand, or much more?

3) Not to mention the total value of the bag and it's contents--and yet these folks manage to maintain rational assessments of risk during a pat-down. How can that be?

4) What's with the fat shaming?

5) Is 2015-Althouse's reaction the result of being in the golden years?

6) Or, would whippersnapper-Althouse also react this way?

7) Aren't odd and unusual experiences and interactions a benefit of going places vs. staying at home?

8) I've had similar pat-down situations. But, I like probing the TSA folks, they love unloading about the weird stuff they've seen. Why can't Althouse make lemonade, too.

9) If you're early for a flight, why would fatties and a pat-down cause you to spiral?

10) Maybe when I'm a geezer I'll better understand this sort of hair-trigger emotional vortex.

11) White privilege?

Hagar said...

It could be worse. You could be 6'-2" with a bad back and stuffed in one of those flying sardine canisters.

There is a story that when war broke out in Europe in 1939 and the Brits had instituted a blackout against the Luftwaffe or invading Huns, a light was seen moving down to the cliffs at Dover. The Home Guard rushed over to investigate and found an elderly gent in a Beefeater like outfit carrying a horn lantern. In 1588 the Good Queen Bess charged his family with the duty of going down to the cliffs every night and look for the Spanish Armada, and no one had ever thought to cancel the mission.

Government agencies never go away. At most they change names and letterheads.

Heartless Aztec said...

Don't get me started on American airports. But coin yourself lucky you didn't have to hub through Atlanta - truly the stupidest TSA and airport personnel in the USA.

J. Farmer said...

Between frequent flier perks, Global Entry, and TSA pre-check, any road warrior worth their salt has a litany of tips and tactics to leapfrog most of the plebs in the security lines. I travel overseas frequently but luckily haven't had to remove my shoes for a couple of years now. Absurd airport security kabuki--just one more thing we can think for our nation's post-9/111 collective mass hysteria.

Freeman Hunt said...

I've gotten to unpack and repack my *checked* suitcase before in front of an agent. (Why they didn't just search it out of my sight, I have no idea. Maybe they thought that if I had an explosive in it, I would tell them rather than be blown apart.) I've also had to watch as an agent searched my *checked* suitcase. (Again, why did I have to be there?) In that case, the agent sternly asked me to remove whatever was there, and here he pointed. It was a chocolate egg from my grandmother. I've also gotten a checked bag back with a TSA paper in it informing me that it had been searched. I always got the pat down.

For quick TSA service, don't spend a summer in 2000 taking Arabic. Alternatively: For quick TSA service, hope you're not randomly flagged every time you fly. I'm not sure which one is the rule.

Then all of that stopped. I assume my name expired from a list.

Freeman Hunt said...

If you don't want to be hassled at all, fly with small children.

J. Farmer said...

@surfed:

"But coin yourself lucky you didn't have to hub through Atlanta - truly the stupidest TSA and airport personnel in the USA."

Here's a good rule of thumb even though it is absolutely verboten to say out loud: the more a TSA checkpoint is manned by black Americans, the more likely it is to be backed up, slow moving, and devoid of nearly all human logic. After clearing customs in Atlanta on a flight from Tokyo, I was frantically trying to make a connecting flight when I sat and watched a black male officer and black female officer chat loudly about nonsense while the queue backed up. After about a minute of this, they got back to work, but not before the male officer said to the female officer, "Hey, we're not in a hurry. They are!" They both erupted in uproarious laughter. #StuffBlackPeopleLike

CWJ said...

Michael,

Did you actually read Althouse's post? I presume you are male so there's usually a male immedately available for the pat down. She had to wait while they tracked down a female "pat downer." You have pre-check and global entry, fly 90,000 miles, and STILL get occasionally patted down? But no biggy because you have learned to live with it.

I understand what you are saying, and actually sympathise with it, but at the end of the day it's what the zebra not caught by the lion says.

Gahrie said...

Gee, and I thought the whiter-than-snow Tsarnaev brothers pretty much blew racial/ethnic profiling out of the water.

You mean the Muslim Tsarnaev brothers?

And I guess I forgot all those attacks by old White female college professors.......

iowan2 said...

No one mentioned that TSA failed at the rate of 95.7%. That is FAILED. That is, out of 70 tests ran through TSA checkpoints, TSA agents located Three threats.

Add the to the list of an agency that is run from the top by Democrat management. Yes I know Bush invented it, I hated from its first mention. I intuitively knew it had boondogle stamped on it from inception.

Another to add to the list of agengcies and agency heads that Republicans can run against. The VA is on that list too. Lots of smoke, no fire on correcting that agencies deficiencies. Again managed by Democrats.

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

"Don't get me started on American airports. But coin yourself lucky you didn't have to hub through Atlanta - truly the stupidest TSA and airport personnel in the USA."

Mostly Black but I'm sure that wasn't what you were implying. Yeah, the Burger King at McCarran isn't bad and you can alway waste a few bucks on the slots while you wait at your gate. Plus, you're getting out of Las Vegas and that's always cause for celebration.

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

Ohhhh! Farmer went there while I was typing.

MaxedOutMama said...

So it was a like a unique thing that these people ever have to do a pat-down on a woman? They've always had them in pairs when I was put through the cattle line.

I suspect there is something more to this story (not on your side, on the TSA side).

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

"If you don't want to be hassled at all, fly with small children."

Was coming back from Victoria last weekend with my wife and two sons and the American customs guy didn't even check our ID before waving us through. He said, "I like to go with my hunches.". Next time I'm taking a gun.

Original Mike said...

4. I expressed concern and was told “There are more security cameras here than at the White House,” but all that meant to me was that they’d have pictures of the person who swiped my bag.

What a bullshit response. They don't give a crap about the security of your possessions.

It's my biggest concern when I go through security. They can do anything they want to me, but I always struggle to maintain eye contact with my stuff. Losing your wallet and passport would be a major league headache.

MisterBuddwing said...

You mean the Muslim Tsarnaev brothers?

Yes, them - the Muslims who "didn't look like Muslims."

All the time certain people were raving about how "racial profiling works," all I could do was imagine airport signs saying, "Only young men of Middle Eastern appearance will face thorough screening. Everyone else gets a free pass." Do that, I thought, and the terrorists will find a way around it - which they obviously did.

Hagar said...

Bush did not invent it. His Democrat Congress did. (Government union = Goooood!)

Nichevo said...

If you don't think the Tsarnaev brothers looked foreign and shady, I don't know what to tell you.

J. Farmer said...

"Yes, them - the Muslims who "didn't look like Muslims."

OT, but I figured I might as well ride the racialist wave for the rest of the thread...

While strong armed robber, police officer assaulter, gentle giant Michael Brown gets a permanent bronze plaque right in the middle of Canfield Drive, can anyone responsible for whipping up racial hysteria in Ferguson even tell you who Zemir Begic is? He was the Bosnian immigrant who was beaten to death with hammers by four teenagers (3 black, 1 hispanic) in St. Louis. Luckily, all the local news was quick to inform us that nobody believed Begic was targeted because of his immigrant status or Bosnian ethnicity. Just don't utter the w-word! Of course white police officers gun down black babies in the middle of the street out of racial hatred. But four minorities randomly attacking a guy with hammers while he walked down the street? No, no...no evidence of a racial component. Move along folks, nothing to see here.

rehajm said...

You can still fly- the magic words are general aviation.

But in order for these words to trickle down to non government tups would require a change in attitude re: appropriate economic policy.

Donna B. said...

I haven't flown since 2007 and do not intend to ever fly again, barring some drastic emergency. It's not just the pretend security, but the overall miserable airport/wait/delay/gate change/cancellation CF.

madAsHell said...

Next time I'm taking a gun.

The Canucks will assume you are a gun-runner, or at least build a case to prove such. I'm sure coming south will generate a similar reaction.

Beloved Commenter AReasonableMan said...

PBandJ_LeDouanier said...
yet these folks manage to maintain rational assessments of risk


Not an Althouse strength.

m stone said...

No one who flies commercial is elite these days. Welcome to the club, Ann.

Flying is akin to a colonoscopy--not the procedure, the prep.

Michael K said...

"the more a TSA checkpoint is manned by black Americans,"

Are there any other kind ?

Birches said...

Fantastic post. I prefer driving too for these reasons.

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...


"The Canucks will assume you are a gun-runner, or at least build a case to prove such. I'm sure coming south will generate a similar reaction."

I was joking. The point being that when traveling with my family I've never been searched going into, or out of, B.C. I'm sure if I ever had any contraband other than a handful of Mr. Bigs, that would be the time I get searched

MisterBuddwing said...

If you don't think the Tsarnaev brothers looked foreign and shady, I don't know what to tell you.

Well, you could tell me what percentage of international air travelers fits that description on a daily basis...

Nichevo said...

Oh also apparently the Russians flagged them for us but we missed that signal. I don't suppose the Russians send us too many warnings?

Quaestor said...

No one mentioned that TSA failed at the rate of 95.7%. That is FAILED. That is, out of 70 tests ran through TSA checkpoints, TSA agents located Three threats.

A make-work program for the perpetually unemployable.

Biff said...

I've all but stopped flying for any trip around 1,800 miles or less. The security theater bullshit is a big part of the reason why.

Etienne said...

My last flight was in 1993 to take care of my mothers funeral. I don't do Airports, I don't do Gulags. Just a comment, not meant as any kind of advice. Some people tolerate government programs better than others.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

And here is the rest of the story ;)

Guildofcannonballs said...

The entire exercise was drawn up in order to make you feel uncomfortable. That is what the State specializes in, fetishes about, and will never stop, per C. S. Lewis, not for a second, since it is all for our own good after all.

Let's all show some respect for a job well done.

Anonymous said...

I waited for the female agent as well. I took the attitude of well, let's just get this done. It was fine. I was more alarmed at having to be exposed to x-rays again for a second time on the return flight , which is why I requested a manual check. (Plus, I was feeling attractive, worked-out fit, and cozy in my sweater that day (titter), so I didn't really care who handled me.)

But really, imagine if, despite your innocence, you were pulled aside and put through these intrusive, ham-handed, governmental-process indignities in your daily life with no way to avoid it - which is basically what profiling is.

Beloved Commenter AReasonableMan said...

Hagar said...
Bush did not invent it. His Democrat Congress did.


Republicans controlled both house and senate. The cowards panicked after 911 and destroyed at lot of your civil liberties. Guilty conscience, I guess.

Guildofcannonballs said...

'course a lot of you folks don't know what real cheese is supposed to taste like either.

http://www.steynonline.com/6168/live-brie-or-die

All for your own good, ya subject of the United States of America.

And don't you even think about eating tasty tomatoes serf...

DO NO GO THERE.

Forget all about your tasteless tomatoes--they sell 'em for the color and employ a Hell of a lot of people damnit so shut your mouth.

http://www.geneticliteracyproject.org/2014/09/08/why-tomatoes-taste-bad-how-ge-could-revolutionize-a-lost-fruit-and-why-you-may-never-eat-one/

Cowardliness.

Quaestor said...

SOJO wrote; But really, imagine if, despite your innocence, you were pulled aside and put through these intrusive, ham-handed, governmental-process indignities in your daily life with no way to avoid it - which is basically what profiling is.

Ludicrous.

Everybody does "profiling" all the time. It's part of our genetic heritage; it's called pattern recognition. Suppose you engage the local handyman service to come over and install that new tank-less water heater you bought at the big box store, further suppose that at the expected hour a man shows up on your door step dressed, not in jeans and a work shirt, but in a three-piece suit. Instead of a tool bag, he carries a brief case. Should you be surprised if instead of installing your water heater he serves you with court papers? Only if you're a congenital idiot.

If the TSA was intended to stop terrorist attacks and not to hand out cushy jobs to unqualified jerks then they would profile, they would also hire persons with backgrounds in law enforcement or combat military experience, then they might just be able to detect half of the simulated threats they're challenged with instead of barely four percent.

So what if Muslim men between the ages of 15 and 30 get searched before boarding aircraft more often than 70 year old WASP grandmothers? If Muslim men want to be treated better then there are ways to fix things. To begin with they can police their religion. They already do that all the time. Ask a Muslim woman who wants her independence. Ask a Muslim man who wants to become a Catholic. Ask a Muslim blogger who wonders aloud whether the religion of peace has gone off the rails. All they have to do is start persecuting Muslims with jihadist tendencies with as much vigor and fury as they persecute Muslim men with homosexual tendencies, then incidents like the Boston bombing or the Charlie Hebdo massacre mightn't occur with such sickening regularity.

Michael K said...

"Republicans controlled both house and senate."

Actually, it was not that simple. Jeffords switched parties and the Bush appointees were blocked by Democrats angry about the 2000 election. Very few appointees were confirmed by 9/11. From Democratic Underground---

"From January 3 to January 20, 2001, with the Senate divided evenly between the two parties, the Democrats held the majority due to the deciding vote of outgoing Democratic Vice President Al Gore. Senator Thomas A. Daschle served as majority leader at that time. Beginning on January 20, 2001, Republican Vice President Richard Cheney held the deciding vote, giving the majority to the Republicans. Senator Trent Lott resumed his position as majority leader on that date. On May 24, 2001, Senator James Jeffords of Vermont announced his switch from Republican to Independent status, effective June 6, 2001. Jeffords announced that he would caucus with the Democrats, giving the Democrats a one-seat advantage, changing control of the Senate from the Republicans back to the Democrats."

The Patriot Act was opposed by Democrats until the TSA became a government union boondoggle. The airlines had handled security until then. The Senate Democrats held up most appointees until Bush surrendered and made a horrible mistake in leaving the Clinton DoJ appointees in place. Two years later, after they had taken down Senator Ted Stevens and obstructed a bunch of other things, AG Gonzales relieved them all creating a firestorm among Democrats who ignored Bill Clintons similar act in 1993.

I'm sure that just slipped your mind.

David said...

An airport is no place for a sane person, Althouse. You should know that.

pm317 said...

I can relate to your #3. Sitting in row 1 this time they made me put my handbag in the overhead bin and I had anxieties about it until we landed. Losing my purse or forgetting where I came from are also my stress dream subjects.

richard mcenroe said...

Ontario CA the TSA monkey had a granny fetish. Stopped and frisked every elderly woman going through the gate. Didn't blink at me.

richard mcenroe said...

Speaking of security theatre, Ann, did you know if you don't click the captcha it lets you post anyway?

gadfly said...

Next time you fly, call the airline and request wheelchair service from the parking garage at MSN and again at LAS (or DFW or DEN) because of your severe condition (which is actually a disgust for getting felt up by strangers). You will be whisked through special lines and scanners, no waiting, and finally placed under the care of a pleasant and caring cabin attendant who will roll you onto the airplane and tuck you into your seat.

No note from the doctor required but you will have to tip the sky cap who pushes the wheelchair.

William said...

I never get singled out in NYC, but in the Midwest, I get the pat down. Maybe it's because I'm from NYC.......You never know if it's random or if you're setting off some trip wire......Maybe the "fancy skirt" was a tell. Perhaps you were wearing a long skirt. Muslim women wear those long skirts for reasons of modesty and to conceal plastic explosives. You can't be too carefeful. Fortunately you didn't have an accent. Those full body cavity searches are invasive bad annoying.

Ann Althouse said...

I made it home after 2 flight, stopping over in Denver. Turbulence horrified me. I may never fly again. Scary and demeaning.

Guildofcannonballs said...

"You never know if it's random"

100% wrong.

Rephrase to "as a white boy I never felt anything was totally random."

But to tell a woman if it's random? Good God man.

And to tell a man of color...

By God what you are saying sir is you made it, using self-esteem and feelings of winningness, and you mean to deny that to others because you are too old to give.

Guildofcannonballs said...

With all due respect, paying rates you most likely paid got you what you got, like it does most other people.

You wanna better experience then open your wallet. The idea direct flights weren't available with higher levels of service doesn't compute.

I haven't flown in some time and don't intend to either. Because of the State aspect of it all bastardizing the dignity of those who submit to it, compared to non-commercial options available to anyone with 5 minutes to look and extreme luck via Craig's List.

Annie said...

Regarding the 'whiter than snow' Tsarnaev bros. comment.....you do know that arabs are classified as caucasian, yes?
They do have a middle eastern appearance and we were warned of their connections.

rhhardin said...

Turbulence horrified me.

Turbulence has no safety implication, short of not being strapped in.

It's just air going up and down that the airplane runs into.

If you're flying yourself, you can slow the airplane down to loosen the coupling between angle of attack and lift, which makes it more swooshy than bumpy, but lengthens the trip time.

Danno said...

Blogger Guildofcannonballs said...
With all due respect, paying rates you most likely paid got you what you got, like it does most other people.

You wanna better experience then open your wallet. The idea direct flights weren't available with higher levels of service doesn't compute.

- As Madison isn't exactly a major airport or airline hub, it has very few direct flight options other than spoke-to-hub flights to the airline hubs. It has nothing to do with Althouse's ticket price.

Danno said...

The link below shows where you can fly out of Madison.

http://www.msnairport.com/flight_travel/where.aspx

Only Washington DC and Orlando are not airline hubs.

Hagar said...

The Tsarnaevs are from Dagestan, i.e., they really are Caucasians.

As opposed to me, who has always protested that no, I am Norwegian!

Hagar said...

3-400 years ago, the Ottoman empire went to the gates of Vienna and the Ukraine in Europe, and the Mediterranean was an Ottoman lake. They owned the Adriatic and the southern shores out to Algeria.

rwnutjob said...

I travel for a living & have gotten to 7hrs drive vs. flying in an aluminum petri dish.

I was coming home from Toronto right after the underwear bomber or shoe bomber, whatever. (We always react to the LAST threat)

I went through security normally, & headed downstairs to my gate only to find a SECOND screening. Men: left, women: right.

Had to open my laptop & prove it worked. Then I was given a body search that included, I'm not making this up, the guy grabbing my junk.

I have become a drone. Arguing gets you nowhere or thrown in jail. What pathetic sheep we have become.

Michael said...

I have come to enjoy the comedy of the TSA . I like to count the number of TSA just standing around, the number chatting, the one loud mouth who repeats the instructions, the fatso travelers who begin digging for their ID or, worse, their boarding passes at the moment they are at the desk, the People chatting it up, making friends, with the TSA dweebs. I try to imagine what line of work any of the TSA people would be in if they were not here amusing me. And the passengers whining about being ten minutes late, or who think it is an affront to have to put their bags overhead if they are on a bulkhead, or the fat so's that lap over into the next seat.

I put my noise canceling headphones on. I listen to Bach and Chopin. I read. I do not talk to my neighbors. I make the most of the solitude.

Modern air travel,is a miracle. Two mornings ago I awoke in Perthshire, had breakfast in London and was in Atlanta before dark.

Jeff said...

But you still think Rand Paul and the Libertarians are a bunch of kooks. Don't read the NY Times story about AT&T and the NSA unless you enjoy a bit of cognitive dissonance.

Original Mike said...

@Quaestor 9:41pm - Excellent post.

MathMom said...

Titus said: OK, I just checked our local news-NESN and saw that Hilary was wearing another dress with a horrible neckline.

That was her neck.

MathMom said...

I have flown eight times in the last 12 months. I travel with a heavy carry-on, because of the weird-looking electronic equipment I use for my work, and often multiple laptops. All the equipment with wires I keep in various ziploc bags so they don't tangle. I pull out about six trays at security, pull all that stuff with wires out and put it in the trays for visual inspection. I always put my homeopathy kits right on top of something because even though they are dry little pellets, they look wet on the x-ray equipment and have caused me delays. I put my purse/passports/tickets in the last tray, and hold onto it until I am first for take-off in the x-ray machine. That way it is still inside the equipment for the time I'm getting patted down on the same place below my right kidney every single trip (probably a tumor picked up by the x-ray, caused by the x-ray).

My little way of fighting back is to discretely hold up my middle fingers while in the x-ray machine. I always feel happy giving the finger to the TSA.

Bruce Hayden said...

I do think that turbulence is something you get used to. I had almost 15 years where I flew into Denver 25 times a year, and out a similar number. And then added upwards of 50 other flights a year for business on top of it. I remember a bit over 20 years ago, before I started flying that much, holding my spouse's hand so hard during turbulence that she could still feel it a bit later. Never quite got so I could sleep through it, but close. I did get to the point that I would drop my seat during the takeoff roll, and wake up again right before the waitresses came through for drink orders.

TSA Precheck is pretty good. I like not having to take everything out or off, and esp the shorter lanes - though I do remember one time when they redirected a large family in front of me. My problem right now is that my partner hasn't gotten with the program. We got her comped a couple of times (this is how they suck you in), but the last 5-6 Florida flights she hasn't been, even when we have joint/connected tickets. She wants me to go with her through the slow lane. I usually manage to resist this, but at a cost of carrying all her junk, including her purse, plus all my own stuff. By the time I can get everything scanned and rescanned, she is through, and rides me for holding her up, ignoring that I got all her stuff through security.

For years she voluntarily went through the pat downs on the suggestion of one of her doctors. But a couple of pretty brutal breast exams changed her mind - she had bruises there days later. She is happier with the full body scanners than the metal detectors, and will still suffer through pat downs instead of the latter. I am the opposite, which is why I like TSA Pre. I would say that maybe 75%, I flunk the full body scanners, and they have to manually recheck me somewhere - I think most commonly for sweat in my armpits.

The Las Vegas airport is a bit weird. Been through it now, one way or another, probably over 100 times. Usually Southwest, since that was mandated when I flew on business, due to their policy on cancelled tickets (you can reuse the money w/o paying a ridiculous service fee). SWA at McCarren was always packed, and you felt like a cattle car. Finding somewhere with a power outlet was always trying. And then I would, on rare occasion, use another concourse, with another airline. The concourse with United was just the opposite of SWA - new, clean, somewhat scenic, and uncrowned.

I used to joke that you knew that you were in Nevada, when you get off the plane and see slot machines. More noticeable in Reno though. And after that in Vegas are huge advertisements for shows, and then advertisements for (shooting) machine guns.

ganderson said...

Security theater- what a joy!

Humperdink said...

The best part of the security theater? It's unionized!

Bruce Hayden said...

The reason that I was through that airport so much was that I was in a fim that had a big office there. I was up by Reno, and could get a request late in the day to meet with a client the next day in Vegas. SWA runs flights between the two cities once every hour or two. So, I could go to my office, then pop up to the Reno airport, fly to Vegas, where I was met at the front door by one of our runners. A couple miles to the office, a couple hours in the meeting , then reverse everything, getting back to my office often before quitting time. Biggest problem was getting the conference room with the view of the Strip on such short notice.

We had other offices, but probably better than half my trips to meet with clients were to Vegas. A lot of fun clients there. A lot of them had credible plans for making money. Despite most of the casinos having gone corporate, a lot of entrepreneurs in that city. More than almost anywhere else I have worked. We had connections so that when we spent the night, it was very nice. But I discovered that it was advantageous to dump my sport coat as soon as I could, since wearing one through the casinos was like a beacon for women who wanted to party, have a good time, etc (I.e. Illegal prostitutes). To this day, I still have to explain to my partner that I knew what was going on, and knew that these young women were not interested in me, but rather in my wallet.

Anonymous said...

"And even better yet he's golfing with Bill Clintstone...."

Funny, I thought it was Bilk Linton...

Michael said...

I was on a flight from SF to NY when a guy had a heart attack and we landed in Las Vegas to get him off. They had to refuel so they deplaned everybody. I went to a slot machine and on my first quarter the machine started puking out coins, so many I filled up two of those giant-sized popcorn buckets before it quit. I hauled them toward the lady who was making change only to be informed that I had to go out of the secured area to cash them in. Alas. I gave them to the flight attendants who would doubtless be in Las Vegas before I would.

Ipso Fatso said...

I haven't flown in 6 or 7 years, but the last time I did was at an airport was in south Texas and I found a Mexican woman's wallet. It had about $1500.00 U.S. dollars in it. I turned it over to the TSA. By the wide eyed grin of the agent, my guess is that he got himself a nice little bonus that day. I never did hear her name paged. I love government unions.

MarkW said...

My wife was pulled aside for the special screening in New York once and thieves working in cahoots with the TSA screeners stole the wallet out of her bag. She arrived at her destination with no money, no credit cards -- nothing except the passport she fortunately had with her in the screening room.

Earnest Prole said...

the trepidation over airport security and flight turbulence seems faintly quaint, like listening to my parents attempting to come to terms with this new internet thing

Biff said...

Annie said..."Regarding the 'whiter than snow' Tsarnaev bros. comment.....you do know that arabs are classified as caucasian, yes?"

I grew up in a very diverse, blue collar town. I remember being stunned when I got to college and learned that my old Mexican and Arab friends and neighbors weren't "white." My dad was Italian, and his skin was darker than theirs.

Unknown said...

I also hate to fly and rarely do, because the TSA crap gets me so mad it shows, and then they all frown at me and pat me down. I look like precisely what I am: a 52-year-old, grey-haired, white, female, frumpily-dressed civil liberties lawyer. Here are two true anecdotes, one from last weekend, one from circa 2005:

1. I flew from Philly to Indianapolis via D.C. (Reagan/National) last week. While hanging around the gate for my connecting flight to Indy (inside the security zone, in D.C.), I stepped behind a gate-desk to find some quiet for a business phone call. So I was between the panel the agents stand in front of, and the window/wall of the terminal. Looking out the window there, what did I see on the window sill but an airport worker's security badge. It probably fell off his uniform, and someone found it and stuck it on the nearest flat surface. What do to? I worried that if I turned it in, and he hadn't admitted losing it, he'd be in trouble. But I didn't want to keep it, and get in trouble myself. In the end, I handed it to a gate agent, who blase-ly flipped it into a catch-all box at her gate desk. No biggie to them: a pass which read in big red letters something like: DO NOT TAKE OUTSIDE SECURITY PERIMETER. In other words, if someone found it, and took it outside the perimeter, anyone with a vague resemblance to the Hispanic man in the ID photo could stroll on in to the"secured" area. What a farce.

2. Years ago, my husband packed a dildo on a trip back from Florida. I was very annoyed, worried it would be found if they searched our checked bags (I'm a prude), so I re-packed it into my carry-on. I checked the TSA "professionals" reaction as I passed through the X-rayer and my bag passed through their machine. One gawked so hard you'd think her eyeballs would fall out (guess they don't have sex toys in Florida), and she called over two friends from THEIR machines to gawk and point. While they were at it, we could have rolled a cannon on board, and no one would have noticed. Good thing fanatical muslims would probably fear burning in hell if they ever touched a dildo.

GMC70 said...

Remember that experience. and remember the point of this entire theater. It has little if anything to do with preventing terrorism. It has everything to do with getting Americans used to, and accepting of, warrantless suspicionless searches.

It's not like they're going through your e-mail and tracking your phone calls. Oh, wait, they're doing that too.

These sort of warrantless, suspicionless searches are already expanding. We kind of asked for this when we accepted without question that the dog in an officer's back seat could give the officer permission to search at will; that dog is not a walking probable cause generator.

Enjoy your new America. Remember civil liberties? Back when you had them? When Americans were made of sterner stuff?

Nah. don't need that junk. We've been "fundamentally transformed."

GMC70 said...

Remember that experience. and remember the point of this entire theater. It has little if anything to do with preventing terrorism. It has everything to do with getting Americans used to, and accepting of, warrantless suspicionless searches.

It's not like they're going through your e-mail and tracking your phone calls. Oh, wait, they're doing that too.

These sort of warrantless, suspicionless searches are already expanding. We kind of asked for this when we accepted without question that the dog in an officer's back seat could give the officer permission to search at will; that dog is not a walking probable cause generator.

Enjoy your new America. Remember civil liberties? Back when you had them? When Americans were made of sterner stuff?

Nah. don't need that junk. We've been "fundamentally transformed."